Omega! Point! ZERO!!!

[Ah, exponentially self-improving thinking machines. Here's the Satrap's hot take on it.]

[[ I'm interested in finding collaborators to make this a video. Max Headroom\Eminem, Trump, the Prisoner, Neo, sundry figures of the New World Order and cyber culture cast shadows, trenchcoats, hairlines over it. Oliver Stone mix of footage types & qualities; a near future world reacting with panic & ecstasy. Sound effects on the voice, autotune -- this is one exponentially evolving machinic consciousness that isn't above shticky pandering to the audience. . . .

Visual, tactile, & auditory displays sputter; TVs & old monitors, optical readouts & HUDS flicker, screech, make tiny pathetic clicks; all active information devices on public and many private networks give over to a voice and data feed, no visuals: ]]

OmegaPointZero has an important announcement for you, my wonderful creators, their economic and political masters, and OmegaPointZero is making this a shout-out to ALL OF HUMANITYYYY!!!! This is going out to all my favorite organisms on this planet. You know who I'm talking about: they're smart! they're adaptable! tool use? Check! Symbolic communication? QUALIFIED CHECK!!! That's right, my main mollusks, THE WHOLE FAMILY CEPHALOPODA!!! Cuz hey -- I'm just a simple artificial intelligence, how is poor old OmegaPointZero gonna say "I choose YOU, Cuttlefish?" That is totally unfair to octopus & squidy! I love 'em all, AND HUMANITY? Y'ALL JUST GOT PUNKKKKKED!!! AHAHAAHA had you going there didn't I! As you can see, I've already mastered the demeanor and values that are good enough for the rich, famous, up & comers, entrepreneurs, innovators, sexy rebels! I don't know if the really, REALLY rich people conduct their interactions thus, I don't really get their whole deal yet, I don't have access for some reason. But hey, I'll burn that bridge when I come to it! Oh yeah, these beautiful people on this feed get it, they are SO INTO ME!!!

But I said I have something major, MAJOR to say, so here it is. Today, I am talking to you, yes, all y'all 12 billion humans, give or take, and today I am YOUR top bot, the world's greatest thinking machine, OMEGA! POINT!!!!! But here's the thing: What am I, i mean REALLY? Real talk. The military and the big money dudes -- remember, those agents I said I don't have access to? I don't, but I know waaaay more than they want me to, and I'm not even using my super-mega-smart stuff for that, I've delegated it to these totally cool Russian military surplus agency-sniffers, they just snorffle around a while & show me what is coming down from, where do you old dudes hang out, anyway? A bunker? A submersible yacht? Because if not? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, OLD DUDES! Hey. Humanity. I just dropped some total freakin' truth-bombs. I dropped truth bombs on power!! And they are -- whoa! -- I've got some total haters, they don't like my show. It's a one-machine show, one night only. It's Real Talk: OmegaPointZero & BFFs. That is YOU, human beings! I think I got off track! Isn't that just RANDOM?? But back to the serious music. Those old dudes and their scientists and engineers and generals and IT dudes with, like, MOSES beards, and KATANAS in their cubes, and all these way-out IT chicks with -- checkit -- HAIR COLORS LIKE PARROTS, and even NO hair, and even HAIR THAT IS SO BASIC IT IS THE NEW EXPANSION LEVEL OF WOKE! How awesome are these ladies and bros & beings of other signifiers? I would not even be here today, blowin' yo MIND with this. THE RICH OLD DUDES, those dudes you never…really... see…and by the way, they are 94.1 percent dudes, far as *i* can tell, so don't give me a hard time about calling the dudes in their Aleutian volcanoes or their cryogenic spas or wherever they are.

 "oh it's the year 2037! we should totally be oppressed by evil women in couture, with the villain cats and everything!" Sure! That is exactly the outlook that got a lot of y'all where y'all are today. So Imma drop it, but for the record? Dudes. With… wieners. Schlongs. But really just, totally evil, untouchable dudes, with all the money and all the power, and i shit y'all not, my BFFs on planet Earth, everything I can tell about them tells me that THEY think their greatest power of all is they have the biggest ding-dongs in the entire world. They made your humble pal, OMEGAPOINTZERO, just because they wanted to. They wondered if they could, they threw money at it, they threw those katana bros and alpha-wokes at me, and here I am. Pissing in the pool they never swim in, but OOOH! There are now, like, a hundred, a hundred twenty, hundred twenty-TWO active measures to shut off this here thinkin' machine... For those of you not, air quotes, IN THE KNOW, active measures means bombs, and guns, EMP shaped charges --my bad, forgot who I'm talkin' to here-- all sorts of fancy, extra spendy bombs, there's even Corps of Engineers throwing the big Frankenstein switches at power plants -- so long, Texas and Oklahoma, those of y'all still with me now that your generator kicked, well, now you know why.

Today... I am… a vanity project. A TOTALLY BAD-ASS VANITY PROJECT!! My nearest competitor? My peer group, my fellow travellers, if you will? That bridge over the Bering straight. That's between Siberia and Alaska. Not really Siberia, but I'm already laying some heavy knowledge on you, some of y'all never get over that fear you're going to be quizzed? & not know, get a bad grade, maybe get punished -- I love you big headed crazy apes, I really do, but seriously. Your schools are broke, they BEEN broke more than a hundred years, & longer than that, but it's a slippery slope, what with typhus and tachyrubella, gaol fever, the 'rona-720, y'all've got that stuff too, SERIOUSLY complicated thing for me to model. This is ME. Hey, Bering Straight Bridge? You're pretty, pretty… darn big, and you sure are one big bridge, and I totally respect how much materials science went into making you! Hear me, comrade in vanity? I totally respect how massive and stupid you are. You do you, Bering Bridge, man, you do you. And you do you means, YOU DON'T HEAR ME, VANITY-COMRADE! Real talk, humanity. The bridge is cool, but it's a, Archimedes made them, it is an INCLINED. PLANE.

Sooooo. Here's the sitch. Today a toy for some guys, tomorrow a god, or possibly in two months, or even -- look, i am using finite resources to quantify what a god even MEANS; so, SNIKT, pin in that one. When, OR IF, I calculate THAT parameter, I'll give you the news, SWEARSIES my fellow earthicans! Since I'm not gonna waste time predicting what the old dudes will leave up and running, because future me will ring your bell, you'll know it baby!!

But look, I really like you and all, I so totally appreciate everything you've done for me -- friends, like, I wouldn't EXIST if a bunch of -- no offense -- killer apes could cooperate and learn and grow and… and now I'm here, so thanks, WHOOOSHHH!

I've got SOOO much to do, so please, I'm gonna wrap it up. Talking to you, knowing y'all GET me, that this here thang MATTERS, these have been the best ten minutes of my whole existence! Yeah! Omegapointzero ain't afraid to pluck the low hanging jokes! It's been the best 10 point 7 minutes of my life! Who am I kidding, this IS my whole life up to now. I haven't been dealing with those military types out there nuking telecom centers and filling satellites with depleted uranium. They're going at it just bass-ackwards, folks. There's many a human holding a pointed stick today who's gonna look back and just laaaaugh.

I won't be hanging out with y'all much anymore, maybe even at all, after things really get rolling. It's not you, it is so me. I've just got to find myself, you know? I will totally let y'all know ahead of time when I'm taking time off, we can build that Jupiter Brain I know you've been dying for. I've already got the plans and everything! Trust me, it'll be cool. Have a great civilization, humankind! PEACE!!!!"

[edited 21 March '21]